I have had some major setbacks with being seriously hurt by friends or family which has rocked me to the core. To the point that a depression has hit me and i have been questioning everything i do.
I am not the same optimist person i was last year, i will never be as giving or as loyal, which has changed my outlook on everything.
It is almost like a part of me just curled up and died and i am carrying that little piece of dead weight which has been poisoning my whole being.
I am 35 and suddenly i am not sure i can do everything i set my mind too. I haven’t had that feeling since i was 15 years old.
My confidence is knocked. The funny thing is i have done nothing to warrant this feeling, i have been honourable, kept my word , loyal and supportive. The actions of others have set the wheels in motion.
Everyday i feel like i am fighting, pushing through the doubt that forms. I have been putting off being creative , painting everyday hasn’t happened since January.
I am less trusting, i doubt what people say unless i can prove it is correct.
What i need to do is somehow push through these feelings and get back on track with my life. The plans i had put in place for 2011 haven’t been touched and i think it is time for me to pull out my writing journal to write my ideas down.
Its almost like i have been hiding from my true self.